the therapist must be helping more than i realized. i am feeling so passionately positive lately. sure, the work thing is still irritating me. i'm still worried i'll never meet someone. but i feel like i'm really living much better than i used to. cooking. cleaning the house. getting the car fixed before it breaks down. little tiny things that make me feel more in control of my own life. like i'm finding some kind of rhythm to it.
my brother received a letter from our mother - addressed to both of us at his house. i wish i could get the us post office to keep my address hidden. how else could she know where i am? :/ i had a dream this week that she died. she's now 61. it's certainly possible that i might have to deal with that in the next 10 years. or 20. or 30. i have no idea why the thought has been so prevalent this week, but i guess something deep down is worrying me. i'm going to shake it off for now. keep the positivity going. keep the focus on me, and my life.
I've been feeling the same way! My mother is very young - 46 to be exact. Sometimes, I find myself still mourning the person she used to be and I worry about her health sometimes...as in her dying. It's hard enough dealing with the fact that she has a mental illness but then having to bury her within the next 10-20 years?! Ugh. Just the thought alone sends me flying.
ReplyDeleteI'm even afraid to have children because I think at least one of them will develop the same disorder.
Are we safe from not ending up like our mothers? I'm turning 30 in three months and the only long term goal I can think about is not ending up in a mental institution within the next 10 years.