i don't know why i punish myself like this.
but on to the excerpt:
And now, no matter how hard I try, I cannot assure myself that either one is okay.
All sorts of imaginings annoy me, at all hours of the day.
***** is dead. ******* is going to be dead.
In some ways, I am cruising for a bruising. For they simply don't want to be found.
So, this woman who had 2 children was not allowed to continue the illusion she was a mother.
Sometimes I think of the boy in Terry Pelikan's photo--the one who is like a twin of mine. Surely she must have borrowed him from Mike Polaski.
At this juncture, I have tried:
to find out from the college; to find out from Carol *******; to find out from their father; from the **********
(Do you know why I am really nervous?) In 1992, when I left my husband and we separated--I rented a cheap room from ***** ******, a Con Ed worker. His house on Rising Lane in Hicksville New York was a refuge. Shortly after I left, ***** was killed. In a newspaper article it was a work-related accident. I am convinced his mother, whom I met, blamed me for his "accident". This is simply because my son has become involved with people he calls *****, then *****, then ********. And he has disappeared. Is it "an eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth"?
As for my daughter, she left her job or was fired some time ago. It was kept from me. I found she was not at the address in Flatbush Brooklyn she claimed to be living. Her whereabouts have been deliberately kept from me for some time.
Do you know how stupid they brilliant kids are? They cut off a 2, a lifeline. Their secrecy has made it impossible to protect them."
"Now to the real news. I have not spoken to my daughter in about 12 months. My son broke off all communication with me around January 1st, 2010.
And now, no matter how hard I try, I cannot assure myself that either one is okay.
All sorts of imaginings annoy me, at all hours of the day.
***** is dead. ******* is going to be dead.
In some ways, I am cruising for a bruising. For they simply don't want to be found.
So, this woman who had 2 children was not allowed to continue the illusion she was a mother.
Sometimes I think of the boy in Terry Pelikan's photo--the one who is like a twin of mine. Surely she must have borrowed him from Mike Polaski.
At this juncture, I have tried:
to find out from the college; to find out from Carol *******; to find out from their father; from the **********
(Do you know why I am really nervous?) In 1992, when I left my husband and we separated--I rented a cheap room from ***** ******, a Con Ed worker. His house on Rising Lane in Hicksville New York was a refuge. Shortly after I left, ***** was killed. In a newspaper article it was a work-related accident. I am convinced his mother, whom I met, blamed me for his "accident". This is simply because my son has become involved with people he calls *****, then *****, then ********. And he has disappeared. Is it "an eye for an eye; a tooth for a tooth"?
As for my daughter, she left her job or was fired some time ago. It was kept from me. I found she was not at the address in Flatbush Brooklyn she claimed to be living. Her whereabouts have been deliberately kept from me for some time.
Do you know how stupid they brilliant kids are? They cut off a 2, a lifeline. Their secrecy has made it impossible to protect them."
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