give me just one thing

when my heart can't take anymore sadness over my mother, it helps to have other things in my life that are not "crazy." i have a definite need to compartmentalize my life, in a certain way:

"crazy mom"

"awesome job"

"empty love life"

"amazing family"

"wonderful friends"

"talents and hobbies"

"personal self-hatred"

when the "crazy mom" piles up, i lean back on the "talents and hobbies", the "amazing family," the "wonderful friends"... but if these piles become out of whack, or weighted down to one side of the scale, everything becomes affected.

lately, the scale is tipping in the wrong direction. the mom, the job, the absence of friends, the guy who i went on two dates with but can't commit to liking enough to pursue... these things just outweigh the good, and i start to flounder. i sleep for more hours than i should. i avoid social scenes. i barricade myself behind a wall of bull. i am trying, ever so slowly, to climb out. it would be so much easier if my boss would stop being such a jerk. being unhappy outside of work always balanced with being happy at work. but this week has been such a burden.

i want one thing to go in the good direction. that would make me feel hopeful.