new challenge, new truths.

i'm injured. and not the kind where you can rest it with an ice pack for a few days, and bounce back. the kind where i've had an MRI and waiting to find out if i need surgery or not. in the 2 weeks that i've been dealing with this, i've had to go to doctor's visits, prescription runs, and take care of myself while hopped up on serious painkillers and muscle relaxants.

and while i'm 28, and should be able to handle all these things, i find myself absolutely yearning for someone else to take care of me. the kind of hysteria that when i left the MRI, the first thing i absolutely had to do was call my father and cry.

i hate how i have to always be strong for myself. i know that there are kids in the world that have parents that they can fall back on, and who would have been in the waiting room for them. or that there are adults like me who have a significant other to fill that void. but it hit me rather painfully that i don't have either of those things.

is it selfish to say that i'm sick of being this strong adult? all i wanted to was to climb onto my couch and have someone else make me dinner, and clean up, and wait in the waiting room at the doctor's office so everything seems less scary.

i'm scared, and i have no hands to hold, and i hate it. i almost resent it.