emails and a new house

my mother came up with yet another email address for herself. it's already been blocked. this email was not angry like her last, but rather, the disgustingly sweet, forgiving, peace-offering motherly type. she said she had sent me a package for my birthday.

is it wrong that i'm already trying to figure out how i refuse my signature with ups? i don't need her to have delivery confirmation. i wonder if they "return to sender." whatever is in the box is nothing i want.

i guess i'd be able to understand her if i had my own kids - i'm sure i wouldn't be able to understand the rejection either. but right now, all i want is her complete and total absence from my life, and she is doing everything possible to keep herself in it. short of showing up at my door. that would certainly test my patience at every level. i'd probably just want to hit her.

in other news, my brother is buying a house. he's such an adult. so much more so than i think i will ever be. i wonder where i'll be in 5 years. right now, it hurts to know that he will never return home to ny. that unless i move towards him, that our relationship will continue as it has been for the past few years. i really miss the closeness we had. i miss seeing him all the time. i miss my sister-in-law, who i love just as much. i truly miss being a part of their everyday lives.

do i miss them enough to uproot myself yet again? that is the question.