rumors.

i spoke to my sister-in-law today, who answered the phone, "what's wrong?" the actual reason i had called was to figure out how i could go for a visit as a surprise for my brother's birthday. but it made me realize how much we all are on pins and needles in this family. ALWAYS vigilant. ALWAYS ready for the next drama, episode, catastrophe. we are poised to support and empathize with whichever family member has been targeted by my mother.

i shrugged it off at the time, but now that i've been home to think about it, it's so sad. we are constantly on edge.

she then asked if i had spoken to my brother lately. when i replied no, she proceeded to tell me that one of the emails that i had blocked from my mother had said she planned on coming to my apartment to see me on my birthday, a mere 2 weeks from now. my initial reaction was laughter. "that's nice," i replied. my sister-in-law laughed back. that would be an interesting attempt on her part. if she actually shows up, i hope i act rationally. i hope i act calmly, and ask her to leave in a calm manner. i really don't think i know how i will react. i can only hope i don't lose my temper and scream back at her.

i have to remember she's ill. and treat her as such.

maybe she could just do me the gigantic favor of not showing up. short of an order of protection for harassment/stalking, there really isn't much i can do.